


The unfamiliar guest

by paupotter_4869



Category: The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:56:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5562586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paupotter_4869/pseuds/paupotter_4869
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm a huge fan of The Host (Stephanie Meyer) and I couldn't find much on Jared Howe's perspective, so I decided to write it myself, showing the development of this amazingly strong, caring (and stubborn) character, ever since Wanda showed in the caves inside Mel's body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A not so ordinary raid

**Author's Note:**

> All credit to Stephanie Meyer's books. 
> 
> Everything from Jared Howe's POV.

Chapter 1

A not-so-ordinary raid

 

The sight of the road was suddenly replaced by a happier place--the happiest I’d ever been in my short life--a happier moment and time. A small bedroom, with a mattress and little else, but more than enough for the life Jamie, Melanie and I needed. But Mel and I made the nights ours, completely ours. Her and me, one body, barely getting any sleeping at all. And then hungering for that body, that face, those lips, all next day. 

But it’s impossible. It’s unthinkable. It’s unconceivable. Melanie’s not back. She can’t be. 

“Careful, Jared.” 

Hearing Aaron’s reassuring, though tense, voice, I came back to the present. To the road I was driving in with a half-full truck, broad daylight, slightly over the speed limit. I put my foot off the accelerator and ordered myself to stay at that speed. 

“Right. Sorry. Thanks,” I muttered to Aaron, who simply nodded his head once, looking through the rear view mirror. I instinctively did the same, feeling goosebumps on my back when I saw the amount of cars driven by aliens that followed, preceded and shot past us. One slip and we’d fail. And our family would pay the ultimate price to our failure. 

That was not going to happen. Not today, not because of me, not because Melanie’s body had appeared out of nowhere. My family relied upon me and I wasn’t going to be the one who’d break their trust. There wouldn’t be any way to warn them if we ran into danger. That, if they were still alive, or even humans, when we came back--

“Jared, do you want for me to drive?” 

Right. On the road, aliens all around us, chance of getting caught and die. I couldn't lose my focus like this. 

“No, I’m fine,” I said, with a tone that rather said “Let me be”. He thankfully noticed and didn’t say a word about Mel, or the mission, nor insisted in driving. Just said in a casual voice: 

“OK, great, ‘cause that’s our exit.” 

I looked up and saw Aaron was right. I was almost going to miss the exit number 5. I used the turn signal to change lanes in order to get the adequate exit with little to no space for the whole vehicle. Kyle’s truck, having seen the exit in advance, was right before us, which I disliked. This way I couldn’t lead the mission or guide Kyle in any way. And knowing his temperament, at the first chance, on a light, I moved up in front of him. I could see his frustrated face, though Aaron’s sign of approval made me feel a little better. 

After all, we had to find a supermarket with a semi-secluded parking area that had somewhat of a hide away place in front of the shop from which we could safely control the ins and outs of the place. And the first few choices of supermarkets, despite of what Kyle thought, didn’t adjust to those requirements. Finally, we stumbled on yet another supermarket which was what I was looking for. 

Kyle and I left the trunks at opposite sites of the parking lot, descended and after a nod from my part, we all got to the abandoned building at the other side of the road, as casually as possible being surrounded by aliens, heads down, eyes covered behind the sunglasses, though the sun was already setting. We got to the second floor and found a good place for hiding, in the shadows, from where we could see the entrance of the supermarket. And then we just waited. 

For once I let my partners do most of the work. It was true that I was having a hard time concentrating today and I’d put my skills to better use if I spent my energy and focus in the break-in and robbery. The task of surveillance wasn’t that difficult to two grown-up men and a third one with an intellectual level of a twelve-year-old, so I just stayed in my position and let myself snooze out a little bit, without being too obvious about it. 

Melanie had said, before, that her father--or rather, her father’s body--had appeared once or twice in some of the Stryder’s known locations, leading the Seekers, chasing Jamie and Mel to kill them and convert them too. Had that alien inside Mel's body come for the same reason? 

But then again, it’d been a stupid plan. The alien had barely survived. It hadn’t with itself any food or water, nor any means to ask for help to other aliens, let alone alert them should it found the caves. It was closer to dying when Jeb had found it. What sort of a plan was that? The aliens wouldn’t risk--or almost, sacrifice--a life of their own just to find some humans. That wasn’t the way they worked. 

And there was another reason why I couldn’t believe that argument. Mel was the strongest woman I’d stumbled across in my life. She had vowed that, should anything happen to her, she’d never let the Seekers find Jamie and me and, with luck, her uncle and other survivors. She loved us strongly enough to sacrifice herself for us to keep on living, to give us a real chance. She’d put up a hell of a fight, one that few Seekers’d have seen or would ever see again. So, what the hell had happened in order for things to complicate as much as that? 

God, I’d missed Melanie. Every hour of every day we’d spent apart. And after seeing her, my body was aching to be once again close to her. To make sweet love again as we once did every night. But I couldn’t have felt this way. I wouldn’t. That--wasn’t even human anymore. I couldn’t be attracted to a dead thing. Could I? 

I had accepted that Mel was gone. There was no talking to the kid about that, it’s true, he was still lingering to a very thin hope--and I couldn’t blame him, Mel was his sister, his mother, his everything on this world. But I had, and I was learning to live with that. But then, that alien appeared in Mel’s body and I almost couldn’t breathe. They were good at that, playing with our feelings. That alien was specially skilled at that. But at what again, exactly? Surely she wasn’t a Seeker, she couldn’t be. 

I couldn’t answer any of these questions and that only got me more confused, exasperated, stressed and furious. None of the right feelings for the mission ahead. So after a while I stopped trying, focusing once more in the task in hand, though they never left my mind. 

After closing, we counted one by one the supermarket workers leaving the building to make sure it was completely empty. But still I ordered to stay put. It was soon enough for the aliens, who’d taken most of our human habits, to go have lunch outside on this pleasant night, and maybe go to the cinemas after. Too many witnesses. 

I waited to be satisfied until there were only casual aliens in the streets, and not a single car had crossed the road in more than half an hour. 

“OK, let’s go,” I murmured, getting up. All my muscles ached from the sitting position I’d been for the last few hours, as did everyone else’s, but we all swallowed a complain. All but Kyle, obviously. 

“About time,” he grumbled, stretching out with a loud yawn. 

“For God, Kyle, could you possibly shout a bit more?” I demanded frustrated.

That seemed to make Kyle focus and he stared at me quite bewildered. Without looking at him, I grabbed my bag and took six flashlights that I gave to each of my partners. All of us checked if they worked and, apart from Kyle, turned them off again and put them on our belts. He still carried the flashlight in his hand. 

“Turn them on inside,” I ordered irritated. It was basic survival--one could have thought, after these years, Kyle’d have learnt something. 

He sighed exasperatedly but didn’t argue as he turned the flashlight off and put it on his belt. Him, Aaron, Wes, Brandt and Andy followed me as I climbed down the stairs two steps at a time. I stopped once we were in the streets, where I hid behind the wall. The streets seemed deserted and all I could hear were the distant rumbling of a small city at night. Taking a deep breath I made sure all of my partners followed me and started running towards the other side of the street, completely exposed. The only thing that calmed my nerves were the closed night and our silent steps. 

I got safely to the supermarket and hid again in one of the corners, waiting for the rest. Kyle was the last and gave me a thumbs up, signaling everything was in order. 

The aliens were too confident in each other. They didn’t have any job as “guardian” or "vigilant" in shops or supermarkets and they barely closed any doors or windows. Luckily enough, the first door I tried to open wasn’t locked, so I signaled everyone to get in, and I followed them the last, closing the door behind me. 

I stopped two steps in, tense, the same as everyone else. We were surrounded by complete darkness and our breaths. But nothing else: no-one was in the supermarket nor had heard us, no alarm had gone off. 

Panting, and not because of the short race from the other building--at least, not in my case--we took our flashlights and lighted them, first of all scanning the floor, making sure no alien was there. 

When we pointed the flashlights towards the shelves filled with food, we froze once again, though not because of panic. We were all famished, soon close to the point of starvation--we had to carefully distribute our supplies--and there we were, surrounded by food. I had to fight the urge to grab the first thing I saw and start eating. 

And if I had that impulse, I knew everyone else did too. 

“Let’s start,” I ordered, bossy voice, before anyone got any ideas. We had to get out of there as soon as possible. 

We divided into two groups: each would start getting food from one of the corners and we’d meet at the center to organize all we’d grabbed. Even as Aaron, Wes and I walked through the shelves taking nothing more than what we needed, I knew we’d have to leave a lot. And a few minutes later we met Kyle, Brandt and Andy and saw they had chosen much more than us and could barely drag their pile of boxes. 

“We can’t take all of this,” I said in a sigh, pointing with my flashlight all the boxes accumulated. Even if, as was protocol, two of us took the trucks right at the entrance of the building, it would take too much time. We had to get away from the city and find somewhere to sleep. 

We confronted this problem in every supermarket we went on. We tried to take from one place as much as possible to avoid risks at stopping in many other supermarkets. But this was a full re-supplying mission, we were bound to do just that. So we should take it easy. 

“We can do two trips,” suggested Kyle, half offended. 

“It’d take us too much time. That’s a risk I won’t be taking,” I replied at once. 

Though everyone understood by my sharp tone not to argue me, Kyle left on the floor the box he was carrying and stood up looking at me right in the eye. We were about the same height, but I didn’t back away, not now that I had an excuse to relief some of the stress I’d been feeling since leaving the cave. And no-one’s ever sorry for hitting Kyle. His nose had to be used by now to be broken. 

Aaron put a hand in my shoulder, which somehow, calmed me enough to regain consciousness of our situation: the rush we were in, the danger. That wasn’t the time to engage a fight with Kyle, no matter how much I wanted to. There’d be other chances, for sure. 

“Wes, Kyle, put that part back where it was,” ordered Aaron, signaling a quarter of the accumulated boxes. “Andy, Brandt, pull up the trucks to the rear entrance. See you there in ten.” 

Surprisingly, everybody listened at Aaron and complied at once, even Kyle, giving me some space and time. Which I very much needed and appreciated. 

“Thanks,” I muttered once I knew we were out of earshot. 

“No problem,” assured the man. “A hand?”

I turned to see he was already carrying over his shoulder a couple of the heavier boxes. I did the same and we both ran towards the rear entrance, from where we could already hear the engines of the vehicles. We froze once again, fearing they’d be too loud. But outside, everything was still. The aliens, as we once were, were used to hearing cars engines anytime, day in day out. We’d been in the caves for such a long period of time that we were completely used to the utterly quiet nights of the desert. And grateful too--that way, we could be warned way in advanced if someone was approaching our hideaway. 

Andy and Brandt parked the trucks with their rears headed towards us, so the loading would be much easier. Aaron and I threw our boxes inside and Brandt and Aaron jumped in, too, in order to relocate them and organize the cargo. In the meantime, we were already back with some more boxes, Kyle and Wes helping us out now. Within fifteen minutes--lot longer than I would have wanted it--all the boxes chosen were already in the trucks, and all of us were sweating and panting. But we couldn’t stop to rest. 

While the others got the trucks ready to leave, I got once more into the store and got a few bottles of water and some snacks. We knew the aliens registered every taken item, not the way humans did, but just to keep record of the products bought. We could do the same and that way the aliens wouldn’t think twice on the items missing--not that any of them, except the Seekers, were suspicious--but we didn’t know if the registers recorded the hour of the purchases, and if the aliens checked it, we would be in trouble. So it was better, all in all, to still act in the secrecy. 

When I got out they were all ready, sitting in their seats, waiting for me.

“Jared, the heck are you doing?” demanded Kyle with an angry voice as I closed the door behind me and stepped into the driver’s seat of the opposite truck. Without answering him directly, I threw at the other truck some of the snacks and a couple of bottles of water. 

“Eat this, before your god-damn stomach gives us away.” 

Kyle looked furious at the snacks, but he couldn’t deny the accusation. No-one could, as everyone was famished. However, he still refused to eat anything--while I was watching him, I knew. 

“Let’s get out of here,” I ordered, fed up with his childish behavior. 

From our respective trucks, everyone closed the door and turned on the engines again, looking nearby to make sure not a single neighbor peered through the curtains or the windows. But luckily we left the city and hit the road unnoticed, with the trucks a little bit more full groceries for our family. However the risks, that fact always made me feel better. Knowing everything was for the greater good. 

I sighed with immense relief when we were back at the road, all my muscles softening. I felt much better out there, more free, less things to think or worry about, just us, the road, the trucks and the occasional lights ahead or behind us. Less aliens surrounding us, would be more appropriate. 

Couple miles outside the city, I slowed the truck towards the side of the road and Kyle followed, stopping side by side with our vehicle. 

“What now?” he asked. 

“We need sleep. Over there seems like a safer place than any other.” 

I signaled the mountains a couple of miles off the road. Thank god we didn’t left the desert on these missions, we’d have to sleep some place hidden inside a city, completely surrounded by aliens, dozing off with little to no resources of fighting should we be caught. I wasn’t exactly eager to try that experience, even if we chose a small and isolated city, I knew I couldn't close my eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. 

“We have what, five hours of sleeping?” 

“I’ll be glad to offer you a more permanent solution should you ask for one, Kyle.” 

“OK, on my way,” grumbled him, taking the lead. I let him this time, taking a deep breath. Geez, I hated Kyle. And Jeb. Why couldn’t he have stayed in the caves? Why did I have to be a god-damn babysitter in two out of five missions? If Kyle had stayed behind he maybe would have solved the alien situation by now, and I wouldn’t be as distracted as I was every minute of the day. He wasn't known for listening to anybody, much less when he thought he was right. And in this case, we were all right. No matter what rubbish Jeb said about guests and social conventions, we needn't to apply the same rules to that damn alien. It endangered our lives and community the longer it lived. All of us maybe were participating in a useless mission, if the alien should find a way to escape. It was, in all, too risky and stupid letting it live. 

It was going to be a very, very long raid. I held onto the hope that any of the members of our family would eventually get fed up with the danger of living with an alien and kill it during a moment of distraction. It would do everyone a favor, myself included. I don't even think Jamie'd be that upset. With luck, Jeb could have kept the kid away from the alien to spare him the trouble or any kind of stupid remorse towards the girl who once was her sister. The sooner we finished with this situation the sooner we'd get back to our normal lives--or the new lives we knew at the caves, at least. Which was in any case, way better than ending up dead with an alien inside our minds.


	2. The trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda's trial after Kyle's attempted murder, seen from Jared's POV.

Chapter 2: Trial

To say the last couple of days had been exhausting would be an euphemism. 

Coming back from the raid and seeing everyone had turned their backs to reason; seeing the thing freed and fraternizing with our family; believing that Mel somehow was still inside her body, despite it being controlled by the thing, and having a bruise in the eye to prove it and remember the truth by; Walter’s condition; the Seekers scattered around, very close to our home, looking for the thing; the fear of being caught and the tension of the preparations for leaving at any given time; Kyle’s attack on Mel’s body; leaving in the midst of everything to get a miracle for Walter; finding, I still don’t know how, enough morphine for an overdose; his burial; and now, above all, the trial for--for her. 

We were sitting scattered around the playground--I’d found a place safely away from Kyle, in order not to punch him again, though I was sure enough Jeb wouldn’t exactly shoot me between the eye if I did. We’d had a couple hours since Walter’s burial, enough time for all of us to bath and take away the dirt of the desert and look almost acceptable for yet another procedure. It seemed nothing would ever be back to normal here in the caves. 

As I thought that, Ian came into the playground room carrying Mel’s body. He seemed tired too because of the burial, since he wasn’t doing a great job helping her. She had to lurch and hop for the last few feet before he let her sit down in the midst of her group of friends. I couldn’t explain the feeling I got seeing Ian touching and embracing that body that once was mine, even if he was just doing it out of courtesy. I wanted to be the one whose arms held that body. And I wanted to be something else, too. Somewhere else, like in that group of friends that were reassuring and encouraging her despite her injuries. If I could do anything for her, I--

Jeb started talking in a loud voice, thankfully focusing me in the present. He stated the rules and some people interjected his motto of “My house, my rules,” but I wasn’t one of them, nor found it funny. It wasn’t, not at all. 

Ian then stood up and stated, simply and without stuttering, the facts and the sentence he asked for his own brother. Couldn’t blame him. If Kyle was my blood and had done what he’d done, I wouldn’t be satisfied by asking only an exile sentence. Though, to my surprise, it engaged quite a heated debate. As if Kyle deserved any second chance. 

It took me a moment to see my family wasn’t, in the end, complaining about Kyle’s sentence and the subsequent consequences to our community. They were discussing the act itself, the attack upon Mel--Wanda--her. If it could be considered an attempt of murder if the act hadn’t happened towards a human being.

 _For the love of God._ That was it. I couldn’t take anymore the bullshit that some people were unable to release, myself included. I had to do something, and that something was more than I anticipated, but eventually it worked. 

I stood up and spoke on Wanda’s behalf. Saw the reason that I should have seen the very first day we were back from the raid and Jamie first, then Jeb, told me. Defended Wanda--and Mel--like I should have since I learnt the truth from Mel herself. But instead I had stood back, stubbornly neglecting the obvious. At least I still had the chance to make it up for her. 

I offered her a chance to speak on her own behalf, to speak against Kyle. I offered her my hand as a sign of peace and comfort, begging for her to take it. She didn’t, but she’d looked at me straight in the eye without fear, and then repeated her argument that didn’t hold water. Her own stubbornness was so pathetic and lame that made me laugh. 

Despite everything, Maggie and Sharon kept putting their feet down. And it was clear their arguments had found a little tiny place into every else’s minds: the voting turned out to be an undeserving and pathetic clearance for Kyle. I kept my arms crossed, as did the group of friends surrounding Wanda, which probably meant the world for her, as she didn’t argue Jeb’s decision. And he cut off easily enough Ian’s and mines. I still wanted to make Kyle pay for what he did to Wanda. At least Jeb’s warning was pretty clear: shot before questioning to anyone who’d try to hurt Wanda again. Kyle wasn’t that stupid to try to kill her again, not when a large part of the community were in favor of saving Wanda rather than helping him. 

Playing a football game seemed a pretty lousy idea at the time, but who was I to complain or argue Jeb’s ideas. They usually worked. So I brought the new ball we’d achieved and like that, just with the thrill of a competitive, fair-play stupid game, the icy atmosphere seemed to transform. Everyone could forget about Walter's death and burial and their feelings, whichever they were, about the attack on Wanda and Kyle's clearance. Yes, maybe Jeb, as usual, was right and an old human game was what we needed. 

While everyone else stretched and warmed up in preparation for the game, I kept an eye on Wanda and that’s how I was the first to notice she was trying to get up and sit somewhere else, as she was right in the middle of the field. Obviously, with that hurt leg of hers she couldn’t make it alone and I went to help her. I wasn’t truly thinking straight when I grabbed her before she met face-first with the floor. And she seemed to be just as astonished as I was, so I helped her to get to the corner of the field. I’d observed her act often enough to predict her answer that she didn’t want to make someone help her out of courtesy. 

“I don’t think Jamie or Ian would begrudge you a helping hand,” I replied, not trying to be a smart-ass or impolite, just making a point. 

Her answer to that did surprise me. I wasn’t expecting something like she didn’t want to interrupt them having fun. It made me see that she, Wanda, not Mel, really and truly cared for Jamie and--Ian. The same feeling I’d got upon seeing Ian carrying Wanda took over me, and I breathed slowly and silently in order to avoid Wanda noticing, though I couldn't help myself and ended up asking her feelings about the man. 

Once again, she surprised me with her answer and made me laugh. Ian was kind “for a human”. Surely there weren’t in the caves many other men that could be compared to a soul, from her perspective. From ours, probably the majority of the humans would suffice, myself included. 

Trying to have a moment to breathe, I made a shallow bench that was more comfortable than the flat floor.

“Thank you,” Wanda told me then. “Jeb did the right thing, you know.”

“I don’t agree with that,” I argued, tone tense. 

“Thank you also--for before. You didn’t have to defend me.”

“Every word was the truth.” 

Wanda looked at the floor before speaking again, probably avoiding my eye. 

“It’s true that I would never do anything to hurt anyone here. Not on purpose. I’m sorry that I hurt you when I came here. And Jamie. So sorry.”

I felt bad that she had the compelling obligation to apologize for coming here. When it hadn’t been that bad at all. Well, at least since I’d relented and opened my mind to the truth. Since it seemed there was a chance at recovery and getting back to normal. Specially with Jamie, he was delighted having Wanda--and part of Mel, of course--back. I hesitated before saying any of this. 

“Honestly... The kid is better since you came. I’d sort of forgotten what his laugh sounded like.”

We both listened to it now, echoing above the lower pitch of adult laughter, that made us both smile. Wanda looked past me, probably to the spot where the boy stood. I kept my eyes locked on her, on those glittering eyes. 

The conversation, as it couldn’t have ended any other way, drifted towards Melanie. As I was discovering, everything about Wanda was yet more surprising than the last. I didn’t guess their connection was that strong and at once, knowing Mel much better than Wanda, I understood why she’d feel upset after Kyle’s trial. And when she gave the chance, I tried to make myself as clear as possible, though I wasn’t sure I did, because I was never good at words or speeches. But I couldn’t explain myself more, since Kyle urged me to get playing or they’d start without me. And beating Kyle, even in football, wasn’t a chance I was going to waste. 

Indeed, something within me had changed. Not overnight, of course, but while playing, I found myself looking quite often over the corner where Wanda was, making sure she was okay there by her own. Almost as often as Ian did, I realized, though Wanda was oblivious to both our stares, but kept keeping track of the record. 

During the halt that the Granola bars brought, even if it was to prove my point, I decided to make a nice gesture towards Wanda. Not Mel, Wanda. The distinction, though clear now, was important to me. So I grabbed quite a few Granola bars and went to where Wanda was, to see that both Jamie and Ian had beaten me to it. 

I exchanged a grumpy look with Ian for unknown reasons. And before I could decipher what was going on inside me, I heard Kyle approaching and changed into full protective mode before Wanda, closing ranks with Ian, shoulder to shoulder, between her and Kyle. Like hell I’d allow him close to Wanda this soon after the attack and the trial. These two aren't about to spend a moment alone in the imminent future, not on my watch.

His words put me and Ian on edge again and I wasn’t going to stop Ian from rightfully punching his own brother when we heard a comeback that froze us both, though for obvious different reasons. 

“Who’s got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?”

At that Ian lifted his fists, leaning forward, readying himself. I looked alternatively between the two brothers, not understanding, or rather not wanting to understand, the words Kyle had just uttered. And before any of us both did any stupid, Wanda spoke in a whisper, but it made Kyle finally recoil. 

“I didn’t let you fall because… because I’m not like you. I’m not saying that I’m not… like humans. Because there are others here who would do the same. There are kind and good people here. People like your brother, and Jeb, and Doc… I’m saying that I’m not like you personally.” 

She’d left Ian, Jamie, Kyle and me thunderstruck and so Kyle left with a pathetic final sentence. 

“Life for a life.” 

I could see I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been convinced with Kyle’s apologetic, miserable and pitiful speech. Ian had his eyebrows frowned, Jamie looked outraged and, behind us, Wanda almost looked frightened. I wanted to reassure her she didn’t need to be, we would protect her given the case, but with Ian there I wasn’t sure I wanted to say anything, nor even touch her. But obviously, that wasn’t the end of it. I should keep both my eyes on him in the immediate future. Nor Wanda nor Mel were going to get hurt again in these caves while I was in here.


	3. Jamie's ill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting after Wanda runs away from the hospital wing and to the play room, everything that happens during her three-day mourning until she and Jared go to a raid at night to save Jamie. Jared Howe's POV.

Chapter 3

“She doesn’t want your comfort.” 

“Give me the light.” 

Ian took it from my hand and we exchanged one last look, but said nothing else. We both had people we were worried about and take care to. I still didn’t know Doc’s diagnosis on Jamie’s injury and didn’t have time for Wanda’s nervous breakdown. On the other hand, Ian seemed to deem Wanda’s personal situation more important than the kid. So we went each other’s way, not quite understanding it, but accepting and respecting it. It was more or less the kind of agreement we’d settled on when Wanda went to sleep in mine and Jamie’s dorm. Ian didn’t look too pleased about that, but didn’t say anything, the same way as I didn’t object when Wanda spent most of the days doing chores with Ian. And seemed happier around him than me. So it was fine. 

Not really, but neither of us could complain, actually. To Ian’s point of view, an argument about her would hurt Wanda too much and she didn’t deserve that after the welcome she’d received in the caves. She didn't have much reason to stay with us and the rest of the humans in the caves and neither of us wanted to give her any ideas of leaving. Obviously, on the other hand, the issue had to be with the soul--if it depended on Mel, this situation would be clearer by now. Ian wouldn't be on the picture, and the body'd be where it belonged, with me, and Jamie. 

But today wasn’t the day to discuss this, not with Wanda in this kind of stress and Jamie hurt and ill, waiting for me. Though it was obvious Ian, Wanda, Mel and I needed to think this through and discuss it at long length at some point, it could wait. Jamie probably wanted Wanda and her sister too, though, but that seemed impossible at the moment. I went back to my dorm, on which door stood quite a few people. 

“Hey, let me through.” 

Everyone stepped aside to give me space and I entered the dorm, where Jamie was laying on his mattress, eyes closed, resting at long last. I took him back as soon as I could, after a detour in order to try to get medicines, but all the way back I kept feeling as if I could have done something more. Much, much more. I once vowed to protect this kid against all kind of threats, even myself. 

Upon seeing the kid's slight shiver, I took a blanket from my own bed where Wes was sitting comfortably and covered Jamie, careful not to touch the wound. The kid didn’t react to that and I knelt on the floor beside his bed, putting a hand on his forehead, slightly warmer than usual. Then he opened his eyes and focused them on me. As soon as he recognized me he scanned the dorm. 

“Where’s Wanda?” asked with a kind of a hoarse voice. 

“She’ll be right back,” I answered through clenched teeth. I could understand her, it had been a shock for her that vision at the hospital, but how dared she make the boy worry while he was ill. I should go back to the play room and carry her over my shoulder. Should have the second I found her there.

“She’ll go nuts,” Jamie joked, laughing feebly. 

“That she will, kiddo.” I briefly wondered if Wanda deserved to receive such a piece of news right after what happened at the hospital, but I forgot about it altogether when I saw the kid's grimace of displeasure and, probably, pain. I put a hand on his shoulder, trying to soothe him. 

“How're you feeling, buddy?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You’ll be, don’t worry,” I promised. “Here, drink.” 

I offered him a canteen and helped him stand up. He drank a small sip and I couldn’t insist when he lied down again on the mattress, looking exhausted. So I gave him a second pillow and covered him with the blanket without finding much resistance, contrary to other occasions when I unfairly treated him like a child. He just nodded in gratitude and looked around the room once more hoping Wanda’d be here by now. I stood by his side, hand on his shoulder to let him know he wasn’t alone, but he seemed more upset for Wanda’s absence than for his injury. I tightened the grip, silently ordering him to relax and go back to sleep. Within minutes, he did just that. 

It wasn’t until then that I realized the spectators we had. The room was full and I heard murmurs of a quite large crowd from the outside--thought they'd scattered around after I got here. Jeb was sitting on my bed, looking concerned for his nephew. 

Uncle and I exchanged a look as I shifted into a more comfortable position to the floor beside Jamie’s mattress. 

“Talked to Doc?” I asked him. 

“He needs his rest,” answered Jeb with a nod directed at Jamie. 

“Is he coming by?” 

“He wanted to check on Wanda first.” 

I let a low groan and shut up, deciding I didn’t want to hear that name today again. Instead I turned to look at the kid when he shivered more noticeably this time. 

Hours passed and his state didn’t seem to get better. Quite the opposite, in fact. Every time Jamie woke up I insisted on him to get some fluids on his body, and every time he refused I was compelled to force him, to find out that swallowing for him was getting harder and harder by the minute. Jeb kicked everybody outside the dorm, but people kept coming and going, checking on the kid. They never left with good news. 

At some point, Jeb made all of them scatter, drawing on to his old and traditional method of threatening. 

“Hey, all of you, I want dinner and I’m sure this kid does too. So go do something useful and don’t make me get the rifle.” 

Half an hour later Wes, Paige and Heather brought three trays of food and left immediately after. Jeb started gobbling at once. I woke up Jamie and coaxed him into eating something, though he didn’t finish a single course before begging to get some more sleep--and within seconds he was dozing off again. That situation left Jeb and I speechless and unmoving out of our concern. Even if we didn't say a word out loud, we each forced ourselves to eat our meal. The kid needn't us famished too. 

Doc came by after dinner and saw Jamie’s full tray but said no word. He checked his temperature and took off the bandage from the injury to check it. A strange and disgusting smell filled the room and almost made me throw up everything I’d forced into my mouth. Doc didn’t try to clean the wound but let a thin bandage over it before leaving, promising to come back soon. He didn’t make it until half an hour later, with a bucket filled with ice cubes. Understanding what that meant, I knelt besides Jamie and checked his temperature, which had risen a lot in the last few hours. I took Doc’s bucket, wrapped some ice cubes with a towel and put it on Jamie’s forehead. My hand was frozen to the touch but Jamie didn’t budge nor bat an eye. All in all, it was nice to be able to do something. 

On and on we waited, with no noticeable improvement from Jamie. Doc found himself a place on my bed side by side with Jeb and the two men dozed off at irregular intervals. I stayed with Jamie, the ice consuming faster as time went by, without getting much sleep as I woke up every time Jamie shivered, which happened more and more frequently. Someone brought breakfast in the morning and once again I had to force first Jamie to eat something, then myself. Doc checked once more his temperature and the injury before leaving the dorm without making a single comment or observation. Which in the end meant a world. 

I was oblivious to time passing by. People came and went, Jeb left couple of times to stretch his legs and to meet basic needs I myself was forgetting for my own good, I closed my eyes now and then, I couldn’t force myself to eat at the same moment where Jamie couldn’t gather up enough strength to sit down, let alone get some food in his system, Doc came back with the smallest bucket of ice we had in store, and Wanda was no-where to be seen. The worst thing was that every time the boy woke up and was lucid enough for it, he would scan the room and if he were conscious enough to recognize everyone in the room, he'd inevitably ask for Wanda in his weaker and weaker voice. Such an occurrence only upset me, although I did my best to hide my bad mood from the kid and Jeb. If Wanda wanted to mourn, fine by me, just not in a situation in which it unnecessarily disturbed Jamie. The thought of carrying her all the way to the dorms, that at first I disregarded as stupid and a violation of the thin set of rules we'd established with Melanie and Ian, kept crossing my mind over and over.

Nobody said a thing. None of the visitors, nor Jeb, or Doc, nor myself, said out loud what was going on. Nobody said, though everyone knew it, that Jamie’s injury was infected, and that we had no antibiotics that could heal the wound, which would result in his death. The gloom and the knowledge hovered the dorm, despite the almost complete silence of the crowd inside and outside of it. 

I could feel his life slipping through my fingers. And I couldn’t do anything about it. Not a damn thing. I was completely useless, and I wasn’t used to it. Usually there was something I could do. I had taken upon taking care of Melanie and Jamie ever since I first knew about their existence, and I had done so. I had promised I'd keep Jamie safe and to bring him to the caves even if it cost my life, which I'd done. I had kept all my promises, by doing something within my powers. And now, for the first time in my adult life, I was completely empty-handed. And that felt so wrong and useless that it was, without a doubt, the worst I'd felt in my life. Counting the two ends of the world I'd known: the apocalypse caused by the Souls arrival and the disappearance of Mel.

Okay, I’d been stupid enough to let Jamie a knife, which ended up with Jamie cutting his leg. But still I had been able to bring him home--with a few more stops in a couple other supermarkets and pharmacies, why lie to myself--as soon as I could, to get him to Doc. But now all I could do was stay with Jamie 24/7, before he was gone, stand by him like his sister would have wanted me to do, now that she's unable to do so herself. 

Suddenly the rumors outside grew louder. For a second I was about to yell and order everyone to clear out, until I heard Wanda's name. I raised my head in interest, still swallowing down my throat that scowl. About god damn time. 

She bursted into the room and, just as we predicted, she desperately threw herself to the side of the mattress, murmuring on and on and on Jamie’s name, taking his hand. That woke up the kid, who exhaled Wanda’s name and even smiled for the first time in hours, or even days, as he explained what happened to him, absurdly trivializing the situation, and making small talk about who-knew-which-football-game. Just with her presence the kid seemed to be doing better, but now the problem seemed to be Wanda. She looked horrible and had a terrified look on her eyes--this wasn't helping Jamie at all. I was about to get her out of the room and demand some answers when Wanda herself made up a pathetic excuse to Jamie that no-one, not even the kid, bought and left hurriedly with Ian. I was tempted to follow them, but so was Jamie, so I had to stop him before he overexerted himself. By the time he was settled again on the mattress, Ian and Wanda were long gone. 

I didn’t have to struggle for too long to know where had they gone. Within ten minutes Ian came back to the dorm--alone. Wanda hadn’t followed him, which surprised me, and that was the first time I stepped away from the wall I was leaning on. 

“Com with me,” ordered Ian, gesturing towards the entrance of the dorm. 

“What's so important?” Even I could hear the indecision of my tone. 

“You'll see.” 

“I don’t want to leave Jamie alone.” 

Ian sent me an exasperated look but, without a word addressed at me, stuck his head out of the door’s room. 

“Wes, could you stay with Jamie for a while? I need Jared’s help with something.” 

“Sure thing,” said the man, stepping into the dorm, sending me an encouraging look, probably guessing I needed time to take a bath or something like so. As if such trivial things could keep me away from the kid at the current moment.

Having no other excuses to stay in the room, I followed Ian. He seemed rather tense and nervous, looking over his shoulder to make sure I followed him, but at the same time uncertain if he wanted me to follow him, which only put me a little bit more on the edge. And the last few days had been enough struggle as it was. I didn't know what else could I handle right now. 

“What’s going on?” I asked when we were safely far away from my dorm. 

Ian didn’t meet my eyes and took a deep breath before answering. 

“You need to kiss Wanda.” 

“What?!” I stopped and forced Ian to turn back. He still didn’t catch my eye and I was almost glad for that--I was ashamed enough as it was. 

“Please,” said Ian in a cold voice. He put a hand on my shoulder and guided me forwards, all muscles tense. 

“OK, I’ve got no time for this--” 

“Shut up,” he ordered me.

My feelings were contradictory. On the one hand I wouldn’t dare to lay a finger on Wanda, not because I didn’t tolerate her, just out of respect. It wasn’t my place. I knew Ian would break my nose, or do something worse, if I dared. On the other hand, however, I’d wanted to feel Mel’s touch ever since she appeared in the caves. So I didn’t exactly know what I wanted to do, or think, of Ian’s suggestion. 

“Just think of it as… an experiment,” Ian said, not an amusement hint on his voice, eyes focused on the dark tunnels ahead of us. 

“Are you crazy? Is this some sick joke?” 

“Through here,” he said signaling a turn in the tunnels. 

And then I saw Wanda, waiting against the walls, frightened look on her eyes. She seemed to be feeling worse than in the dorms; she was panting, her face red and her hair all messy. Though I was starting to guess why. 

“Wanda, what’s this about?” 

I stood thunderstruck as Wanda explained to me the situation, how she’d lost Melanie. Mel gone! That was too much for me to cope. I couldn’t lose both members of the Stryder’s family overnight. Not while I could do something. 

So when Wanda exposed her idea, however moronic, I didn’t think twice before I crashed my lips into Wanda’s. No, not Wanda’s: Mel’s. I kissed her like I used to, and she answered back as she used to, the movements of her hands caressing my body, her lips on mine, her breaths matching mine. How long and how much I’d missed her, I couldn’t put it into words, so I put all that into that kiss. How I hungered every minute of every day for her body. How I wanted us to be together again. How I wanted to be a family again, as before. 

And it worked.

This time, Melanie chose to bit my lower lip. Curiously, it only worked to arouse me a bit more, but I wasn’t too keen to test my chances, so I stepped back. I couldn’t help the smirk on my face as I looked at Wanda, both of us panting, while she talked to Mel, seemingly apologizing to each other and catching up on the days they’d been apart. Oh, it was great to have Mel back, even if the cost had been a bleeding lip. Though I was serious about what I’d do in order not to lose Mel again, Wanda didn’t seem to see the fun part in all of this, which made me laugh. The first time I had in days, actually. It felt good. 

Immediately after that thought, I scolded myself for that. It wasn’t right. Jamie was sick and was expecting the three of us. It wasn’t an appropriate time to snog around or to be happy. 

Wanda felt the same. In no time we were back in our dorm--I didn't dare to lock eyes with Ian just yet--and she knelt once again besides Jamie, murmuring and acting erratically, desperately, almost like a mother would do if her child was ill and there was nothing she could do. As was the case. Just looking in the watery and evasive eyes that surrounded us one could see the helplessness was filling everyone’s thoughts. Despite how we now felt regarding Wanda, we knew the aliens had taken everything. And the lives of the young ones were the irrefutable and most horrible proof of that. 

And then, inexplicably, Wanda uttered the impossible and most expected words that could safe the child. The souls’ medicines. 

“They do work. They can save him.” 

It was insane, idiotic, almost impossible, possibly not worth the risk. And above all that, she was right, it could work. It was the only thing that could save Jamie at this point. It had to work. 

“Maybe someplace small. The gun would make too much noise, but if there were enough of us to overwhelm them, we could use knives.” 

Not surprisingly, everyone stood against it and deep down, if I were truly honest with myself, I knew they were right to argue with Wanda and me, but there was nothing left I could do. 

And then, Wanda spoke again, offering the simplest solution that froze us all. 

“You can’t. But I can.” 

We all fell dead silent and yet, we didn’t hear nor could comprehend a single word she uttered during her later babbling. So help me. We were right all along. How had we let her confuse us to this point? She was a Seeker, she had just waited for the right moment. She knew we’d get to her before she died, because we’d found her interesting and a means of information about the rest of the aliens, their habits, and the Seeker’s plans. She knew we’d take her to our hideaway. She knew she’d had to be lucky to survive, but that it’d be, after all, a matter of time and patience, and eventually, she’d become a part of our community. She’d act inconspicuously in the meantime, even acting like a human with Walter, not daring to speak against Kyle in case that would have a negative effect on her staying in the caves. Now she’s found a chance to get out of the caves, a chance that many would take, probably kill to get it. But if we let her, she’d finally call the Seekers upon us. She’d knew perfectly well our position, nothing would stop her to do so. 

How could we be so stupid? 

She looked up, hope filling her eyes, until she saw our faces. I looked around, too, and recognized my same feelings on everyone’s stares: hatred, suspicion, fear, uncertainty at best. They wouldn’t budge on this, either. Not even I couldn’t. I wasn’t to put into danger twenty-seven human lives, regardless of what was at stake. Not even for Jamie, who’d become my own little brother. We’d lost enough lives as it was. 

Wanda couldn’t handle it, of course, and demanded all of us to leave the dorms. This time I left Jamie along with everyone else, even Ian. Everyone filed out the dormitories tunnel in a gloomy and depressing state, hearing Wanda’s and Mel’s fainted sobs as she begged forgiveness to an unconscious Jamie. But truly, there was nothing we could do. 

Jeb stopped and started a low and long discussion about planning a raid for antibiotics, or ice, or anything that could help Jamie. Some few people volunteered to get out again--I didn’t even raised my eyes from the floor--the majority of us knowing, just as I did, it’d be of no use. Before I got to the caves, I lived on the streets, scavenging what I could from the souls’ houses. The antibiotics were always at plain sight. If they hadn’t found anything in the first try, it meant the souls had discarded them as useless. Like Wanda had said, the souls’ medicines worked, not just treated the symptoms. They could travel a thousand miles if they wanted to, turning back empty handed. Jamie wouldn’t live that much longer, and that I couldn’t live with.

In the end, acting rationally, Jeb dismissed any raids tonight. So we parted again, splitting up, some headed towards their dormitories, hoping without hope to get some hours of sleep. The rest of us went to the kitchen, just to do something rather than lay stupidly on our mattresses without the slightest expectation of falling asleep tonight. 

I found myself eating, which I hadn’t done the past few days, without finding a good reason to do so. My subconscious knew before myself what I wanted to do. I had to put my brain seriously to work to understand what I was preparing myself for, and when that clicked in, I almost scowled and wanted to hurt or shoot myself--and everyone else in our community, for that matter. 

Were we crazy? What was I thinking? Hadn’t we had enough reasons and time to see Wanda couldn’t be a Seeker, not even the extraordinarily Seeker I had been thinking of? Hadn’t Wanda, in fact, shown us enough times already that she was different from the other souls, that she was a member of our community as much as the next one, that she would never betray her family? Were we, and the whole human race, really that naïve? Even at this point?

I finished eating as quickly as I could, but restraining myself to keep cool. It wouldn’t be normal to suddenly seem anxious for something, when we’d all accepted there was nothing we could do regarding Jamie's state and that the kid was going to die. And I had get calories in my body, which was aching for proper drink and food. Because I was going out tonight, on a raid. On a two-men raid, if nothing else.

But I had to do something, even if that something would probably end up in me getting caught by the Seekers. Jamie was my own brother. Mel would never forgive me. I would never forgive me if I stayed calmly at the caves waiting till Jamie’s light would finally turn off. No, I wasn’t ready for that--I wasn’t made for that. I had vowed to protect him and that promise still stood. I wasn't going to accept his death this easily. 

And looking around, I knew my gut was right--I’d be going out alone. I knew there was no chance at convincing any of my family members. And there wasn't enough time to summon a goddamn tribunal. Everyone looked sad, hurt, confused, guilty, but none would make a move to correct that. Not even Ian or Jeb. They wouldn’t let Wanda try, when they knew perfectly well that Wanda wouldn’t move a finger against any of us, not even Kyle, given the opportunity. But she’d give her own life for that kid. In that, we both agreed--I imagined it was the only thing we could ever agree on. So I was going to give her exactly that. 

I waited patiently in the kitchen, washing the dishes to kill time. Most of my family went to the dormitories after dinner at the wrong time, including, specially, Jeb and Ian. I knew Doc wouldn’t leave Jamie’s side, which was fine by me, because that way I could get to the hospital wing undetected. But first I had to go to the storage tunnel, get a couple of bags and flashlights. The caves were almost deserted and I knew the tunnels and passages well enough to not need the flashlight. I didn’t even hear my own breathing or steps, either. I was sure I wasn’t alerting anyone as I ran to the hospital wing, where I safely turned on the flashlight to get some napkins wet with chloroform. I got back to the dormitories tunnel, where everyone, amazingly, seemed to be asleep, or at least, pretending to. The only small obstacle ahead of me was Doc, sitting in front of my dorm, but he too, was sleeping, and I wouldn’t let him become a nuisance. We were saving this kid tonight.


	4. The other half of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four and last chapter of this series. Beginning with Wanda's summoning for trial with Jeb, Ian, Doc and Jared, until Wanda decides to leave the Earth.

Chapter 4

 

Ever since Wanda taught Doc how to safely remove a soul from a human body, a hope that none of us had felt in a very long time filled the caves. A lingering hope that not even Kyle’s little and pathetic stunt could diminish. There was still a chance at surviving for the human race, even if Wanda couldn’t make, or wasn’t willing to make, no solid promises. What could possibly cloud that? 

So I didn’t feel like something could possibly go wrong, a positivity that didn't really match with living in hiding and in fear of the Souls. I wasn't suspicious when Wanda summoned Doc, Jeb, Ian and me at the playroom. I couldn’t possibly have been more wrong, and I was proven that within seconds, upon hearing Wanda and Ian’s short and clear statements. But then I felt--hopeful again. I could get Melanie back. And that’s what she wanted too, Wanda said so herself, so there was nothing to discuss about. 

Ian, of course, didn’t share my point of view in this matter either. I let him and Wanda explain their own arguments for a few minutes, without interrupting, knowing the only rational choice Jeb could take was to accept Wanda’s idea. That’s why I was outrageous when Jeb looked absolutely taken aback, and not remotely convinced. It was his own niece we were talking about! He was actually choosing a Soul over a member of his family? His own blood? When we knew for certain they had a long life expectancy and could live in any of the planets they’d discovered, besides the Earth, our Earth? 

I was furious with everyone and so I started a heated discussion with Ian, about each other’s selfish reasons about why we’d want Melanie back or Wanda to stay with us in the caves. It was lucky we engaged the disagreement when we did, otherwise there wouldn’t have been any way to release the existing tension between us both, over the subject in question. And it occurred to us, too, that with Wanda we could never have held as heated a discussion as we were holding in that moment. She looked mortified just by hearing at us. Jeb had to raise his voice to stop us, and under the friendly reminder this was his home and he could easily get his rifle. His verdict, in favor of getting Melanie’s body back, gave me enough time to calm down and think rationally again. It didn’t take me too long to find a solution to the last problem at hand. 

“So we get her another body. Obviously.” 

This time everyone, including Ian, was on board, that's why we were all stunned when Wanda disagreed with me. And it was in that moment when I realized the truth, that there was so much more going on there. Not the rubbish she was saying about endangering our family and life in the caves. If I knew Wanda well enough--and I thought I did--her own feelings wouldn’t change even if she took over another human body. She’d proven that to us a vast number of times, she’d still be the kind and peaceful soul she was now. The fear she was trying to drum into us didn’t even cross my mind, or, being truly honest, it did, but I dismissed it as soon as it appeared. I didn’t fear Wanda for a second. Funnily enough, in that moment it seemed I trusted her more than Jeb himself, even if he was the first one to believe her story. 

So I knew her resistance was due to something else, and I didn’t bother arguing her arguments, since they didn’t hold water. I was starting to guess this trial had been a sham, a façade towards everybody else in the community, though its conclusion, if one ever was made, would never determine Wanda’s choice, whichever that day be. But, as I saw her and Doc, who hadn’t uttered a word the whole time, exchanging a knowing look, I understood she was already decided. And if after all this time co-existing with Mel, Wanda had taken upon her worst traits, there was no convincing her otherwise. 

Obviously, the issue at hand was big and troublesome enough for Jeb to not be able to get any immediate, or even imminent, conclusion to the trial. I myself was absolutely lost and aghast. I did only move when I noticed everyone leaving the playroom, but couldn’t utter a word. 

The plan was to keep an eye on Wanda, just in case. It truly didn’t work that well. Ian’d mentioned eating so I went to the kitchen, to find only Ian there, and he was already leaving with two trays of food. It’d would have been an invasion of privacy following him, and furthermore, Jeb was there too--Doc had gone back to the hospital, God knew why, though I feared if it had something to do with Wanda--so I just sat down and ate in silence, not even trying to participate in the conversations taking place around me. Mentally I was going over Wanda’s actions in the last few hours and as I did, I understood that everything she had done was an indicator of what she’d do next. What she was going to do, it wasn’t even a real question at all. At that moment I understood her urgency for the sudden raid to go and get cryotanks. In a society where money doesn't exist, everything works by quid pro quo, giving something in exchange of receiving something. Wanda had given us something by teaching us how to safely extract Souls out of humans without hurting either of the species: hope. Now we had to give her something, or rather, she was going to take something in exchange.

I knew Wanda’d choose the option that most benefitted our community. It was as simple as that, no matter how much pain her actions would cause Ian, Jamie or quite a few other members of the family. Every second I was more convinced of what I thought I knew. She had a plan in mind, a well-defined plan, a simple one, an almost easy one. She was leaving us, despite what had been decided at the tribunal. She had already said goodbye to Ian, and we had just come back from a full refueling raid, and she had gone out to get those cryotanks we’d need to keep her and send her to another planet. She was leaving us in the best circumstances possible. She’d planned it all way in advance. 

I could tell, even if she wasn’t there to say it herself, that Mel wasn’t too pleased about it, but there was little she could do. And by the time she could actually do something about it, it’d be too late. On the other hand, I could do something now, before it came to that moment when it’d be too late. Was I going to do something? 

I ate slowly as I pondered the situation and my possibilities. It wasn’t easy. I was, almost literally, in two minds. For one, I wanted Mel back, of course. I missed her more than I could ever express out loud, and my body ached as if it knew the chance of touching and embracing once again her body wasn’t that far away now. On the other hand, I knew better than anybody else that Wanda had changed our lives. The raids would never be the same again with her being here. She had already improved our way of living in so many levels that I could hardly count them. We needed her indeed. And, beyond the materialistic and rational sphere, Wanda was already a big, loved and an important member of our community. Not just Mel, but Wanda, the soul, herself. Everyone would miss her, myself included, I granted through clenched teeth. 

The question popped out once again: was I going to do something about Wanda’s choice? 

Once I had said to Melanie that I would never give her up, not even to save five billion human lives. The situation seemed similar now, somehow. With Wanda in the caves we--possibly--could get our human race back and a chance of fighting, a chance that was way higher and tangible than that time. What hadn’t changed in the equation were my feelings towards Mel. Was I really, truly, that selfish? 

The answer to this question was, once again, simple enough. Monosyllabic. Being honest to myself, yes, I could be that narcissistic. And probably was going to act like a jerk. I left the kitchen feeling awfully guilty with myself and not being able to meet anybody’s eye. I went to my dorm, with the desire of forgetting what I knew, closing my eyes and not opening them till everything was over. But Jamie was there, sleeping calmly, deeply rested and confident that he’d find, in the morning, all his family in the caves, as everyday. There was no chance for me at finding any kind of peace in the dorm with him there, knowing I’d taken away a part of his own sister. In fact, I knew myself well enough to know I wasn’t going to sleep at all that night, no matter what. 

I left the dorms and crossed once again the kitchen, hoping no-one would find strange my wandering, since it wasn’t that late yet. I found myself on the way to the playroom and changed the path instantly, not wanting any reminders. Few minutes later I was nearby the fields and I had to go back too, since I had worked there with Wanda on some occasions. There was enough space in the caves for twenty-seven--twenty-eight now--human cohabitants, but in every room, tunnel and corner I had shared something, an insignificant moment, with each and everyone of them, Wanda specially included. I couldn’t go anywhere without there being a painful reminder of her. That was going to be a very, very long night, I sighed. 

Suddenly, with a stab of pain in my chest, I realized that, if Wanda went through her plans, the rest of my existence in the caves would be worse than hell. Just like tonight, everything and everywhere would remind me of Wanda. I’d feel guilty just looking at Jamie’s, Ian’s, Mel's or Jeb’s faces, knowing instantly when they’d be thinking of her just by the distant look on their eyes and their sad stares. Besides, we’d never feel that ease again at any raids, without Wanda. Was I truly prepared to suffer all that? Just to be with Melanie? After all, it wouldn’t be the same with her either. Undoubtedly she’d blame me too and she’d be mad at me for who knew how long. Worse of it all, maybe I was doing something unforgivable. 

I was already starting to regret my decision when I saw Wanda almost running towards the southern tunnel. She didn’t see me, but looked as frightened and concerned as I probably did, and I knew where she was headed. I felt angry, at first. Despite the hour, I don't care how tired he was, how had Ian let her out of his sight? Hadn’t he the least suspicion about Wanda’s plans? Couldn’t he read her as an open book, through her lies? Had she really deceived a human being for the first and last time in her existence? There was no way in hell Ian could have understood Wanda’s arguments and given her his permission to flee. No, she was running. 

I went after her, not having in mind startling her as I did when I put a hand on her shoulder, though that jump only confirmed my theories. She was fleeing. 

“Sorry!” I murmured, placing my arm around her shoulders, trying to comfort her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” I repeated, lower voice.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, still breathless.

“Following you. I’ve been following you all night,” I lied. I’d spent the night half following her, half avoiding her, so the result hadn’t been entirely a success. Though I was happy to have found her now, in all honesty. 

“Well, stop it now.” 

I wasn’t sure of what to do, always in two minds about Wanda’s desires and objectives. She tried to shrug from under my arm, but instinctively I caught her wrist, making her impossible to walk away. Just like when Mel and I first met, she knew she wouldn’t be able to shake free from my grip. 

“You’re going to see Doc?” I asked, already knowing her answer. 

“Of course I am,” she hissed. “What else can I do after today? It’s not going to get any better. And this isn’t Jeb’s decision to make.”

“I know. I’m on your side.” I felt ashamed just by saying the words out loud, but they were true, and I was unable to deny her the truth at this point. I owed her at least that and by her reaction, I knew that’s what she wanted--needed--to hear tonight. 

“Then let me go, Jared. Go away. I want to be alone.” 

“I should come with you.” She was doing this for me and Mel, the least I could do was to be with her, when no-one else could. Everyone else in these caves--with the probable exception of Kyle, Sharon and Maggie--would stop her. I'm the only one selfish enough to encourage her.

“You’ll have Melanie back soon enough,” she snapped, and those words brought me sorrow instead of the happiness we both were expecting. “I’m only asking for a few minutes, Jared. Give me that much.”

“Wanda, I would come to be with you,” I insisted. 

“It wouldn’t feel that way. So there’s no point.”

 _Yes, there was a point,_ I could have screamed right there and now, but I knew better than to wake anyone. 

“But Wanda, I… There’s so much that I need to say to you.” Because of my stubbornness we’d hardly had time to bond or to talk at great length. We shared our dorm, yes, and we could call it an almost polite relationship, but she spent most of her working days with Ian and Jamie alone, and none of us discussed the situation when we had the chance. It was almost unfair. I honestly would have liked to hear more about the souls’ stories, travels, tech, and other planets. About Mel. About if it was possible a happy ever after for the four of us. This seemed too final, too drastic, too much. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, let alone Jamie or Ian. She shouldn’t be leaving. 

“I don’t want your gratitude, Jared. Trust me on that.”

“What do you want?” I asked almost desperate. I felt my voice choking, almost on the edge of crying. I didn’t know I’d be feeling like this. “I would give you anything,” I added, truly honest. I’d give her both, Mel and Wanda, anything within my power. Very limited inside these caves, that was true, but I’d be willing to try and do anything. I’d done the impossible before for Melanie and at that moment I almost craved to do the same for Wanda. If only she’d give me the chance to prove it. 

“Take care of my family. Don’t let the others kill them.”

“Of course I’ll take care of them,” I said, brusquely dismissing her plea. I had taken upon that duty ever since I first came to the caves, knowing the big difference I could make, and her departure wouldn’t change that; that was for granted. She should have known I wasn't talking about our family. “I meant you. What can I give you?”

“I can’t take anything with me, Jared.”

I still tried. There had to be something. She couldn’t leave empty-handed. “Not even a memory, Wanda? What do you want?” 

“What can I give you, Wanda?” I insisted after a few seconds. 

She took a few seconds and seemed to swallow back the tears when she spoke. 

“Give me a lie, Jared. Tell me you want me to stay.”

That, I could do. Gladly. I could even lie to myself, because what she was asking, wasn’t that much far from what I honestly wanted. So I did, without a second doubt, because deep down I knew she’d ask for something like this, to take a happy lie. I embraced her within my arms and against my chest, kissing Wanda on her forehead, speaking against her hair. 

“Stay here, Wanda. With us. With me. I don’t want you to go. Please. I can’t imagine having you gone. I can’t see that. I don’t know how to… how to…” My voice broke and I had to stop talking before I embarrassed myself.

She took my silence as a signal of be being done with my speech, my lies and my goodbye. She tried to extricate herself from me, expecting none resistance this time. Once more, I didn’t let her. I wasn’t over. I leaned carefully and kissed her--Wanda. I too wanted to remember this experience, this moment I was sharing only with her. It was her scent and movements I was registering, it was her name that I was uttering against her hair, it was her lips I was trying to memorize. And I could feel that she, Wanda, not Mel, was responding to my touch, my calling, my breaths. I could have kissed her for a lot longer and still be easily lying to her--and myself. 

She broke our kiss slowly and carefully. This time I didn’t stop her, as we panted, our breath warm on each other’s faces, the only sound to be heard in the empty caves. I was thanking the darkness, for my tears were spilling without a stop. 

“Thank you,” she said again, still breathless.

“Wait…” I begged. I couldn’t take it. 

“I can’t. I can’t… bear any more. Okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered, knowing it was better to give her her space. 

“I just want one more thing. Let me do this alone. Please?”

“If… if you’re sure that’s what you want…” I trailed off, unsure. I wasn’t positive that was the right thing to do, even if it were Wanda’s wishes, which I’d learnt--finally--to accept and grant. 

“It’s what I need, Jared.”

“Then I’ll stay here,” I agreed hoarsely, regretting each word. I felt my eyes fill with tears, spilling down my cheeks. I didn’t think I'd ever felt that bad ever in my life and I feared if I’d feel like this the rest of my own existence. 

“I’ll send Doc to get you when it’s over.” These words felt like knives being stabbed directly to my heart and, though I noticed her tries, I couldn’t let her off my arms. 

“You know that Ian is going to try to kill me for letting you do this? Maybe I should let him. And Jamie. He’ll never forgive either of us.” Thinking about my punishment, even if it was my life, made it easier. I knew I could never live with myself after this, nor with Melanie or Jamie, not alone in the caves. Maybe I should go straight to get Jeb’s rifle before Mel appeared again, because that’d be more human than what Mel would do to me when we'd meet again. 

“I can’t think about them right now. Please. Let me go.”

Slowly, still reluctant, I let my arms slide away, freeing her against the wishes of every cell of my body. Every second I had to fight the urge to grab her and not let go of her ever again, in order to stop her from doing this idiotic thing. But instead, I said the words I regretted the moment they came out of my mouth. “I love you, Wanda.”

She sighed. “Thanks, Jared. You know how much I love you. With my whole heart.” 

I knew about now that in this case, heart and soul were different matters entirely. I couldn’t discern at what extent, but at least I’d learnt the difference, though I’d like to have Wanda enough time to comprehend the subtle difference. I was still thinking about that when Wanda spoke again, asking me something that muddled me up completely. I had a hard time finding words to answer her. 

“We move into the game room. Everyone sleeps in there together. Why?” 

“I just wanted to… imagine. How it will be.” Probably because she wasn’t ever going to see that happen, I realized, and a new knot formed in my throat and stomach. This was her home, she should be able to watch that phenomenon. One could define it as truly beautiful and magical.

“Goodbye, Jared. Mel says she’ll see you soon.”

“Wait… Wanda…” I begged, trying to grab her again and stop her. But then she started running down tunnel, getting away from me by the second, and I wasn’t capable of following her. I stayed there, alone in the silence and darkness, trembling with anger, guilt and, despite everything, sadness. Was I really going to let this happen? Was I that selfless? 

I closed my eyes, and hands in tight fists, trying to control my temper. If I didn’t do anything irrational, like shouting or punching the walls and seeking medical need or awake anyone, everything would be solved once and for all. I’d had Melanie back. And Wanda would be on her way to another planet, to her ninth life, a more beautiful and peaceful one than the Earth, being loved by one and all. It was unlikely she'd receive such a cold treatment and abuse wherever she went next. And here in the caves, thanks to her knowledge, the human race would have a small chance at surviving. It seemed like a god plan, a reasonably good future. From the beginning, ever since I came to the caves, and ever since Wanda appeared, that’s all I wanted... Wasn’t it? 

I started moving and walking even before I’d answered my own question. I was indeed a man of action, though as an irrational person as the next one. That was the epitaph of the human race on a nutshell. 

No, I was not OK with this. This wasn’t the right solution. It wasn’t even close. 

I hoped against reason that she had changed her mind, or that Doc wouldn’t rush too much. All in all I knew I didn’t have much time before I’d find Wanda in a cryotank, but we could place her back immediately. She was staying. Without realizing, I started running at full speed, but unlike that first meeting with Mel, somehow I knew this time I wouldn't be able to catch up with Wanda.

I got to Doc’s hospital barely two minutes later, breathless, though considering the lack of movement and noise, I guessed Doc was done with the procedure. But he sure as hell was not. I knew in that moment that I was willing to use any means necessary to change back what Wanda had put in motion. I didn’t care the consequences and wasn’t at all frightened by the possibility of Wanda’s anger. She could hardly hurt me, even with Mel’s strength--she didn’t use it to defend herself from Kyle, she wouldn’t attack me if I broke my word.

Trying not to look at the human female figure resting on one of the occupied mattress, trying to dismiss the thought that she wouldn’t have any glittering eyes or such a peaceful disposition now, that she'd be Mel, _my_ Mel, I looked around, searching instead for that one cryotank that had to be functioning with its coldness and its strange blue light. I didn’t see it at once and, terrorized before I even knew what was going on, my eyes fell upon Doc. When I saw him, my heart skipped a beat. He was leaning against one of the couches, unmoving. His downhearted, discomforted, broken and unsettled corporal language froze me momentarily--I'd seen it many times before, every time he was unsuccessful to extract a Soul from a human being. What had he done now? 

That’s when Wanda’s real intentions clicked in. Her plan wasn’t to leave the Earth and happily live another life somewhere else, away from us all. She’d said so herself, life here was like nothing she’d ever felt before, nor she could ever experience again. Why on God’s name did I believe for a second she was actually leaving us, her family, as she had repeatedly called us? 

“DOC!” I shouted, breaking the silence and peacefulness of the hospital. “The heck are you doing?!” I bursted into the hospital, scaring the hell out of the poor man. He was right to be feeling like that, however--he had no idea what was going on inside my mind. 

“Hey, Jared, mate, calm down,” begged Kyle from one of the mattress, but he didn't move from the spot, misjudging my anger. 

As usual, I didn’t pay him any attention as I glared at Doc, still unsure of what I was capable of doing. I was angry enough to engage a fight with Kyle, but the poor Doc didn’t deserve that mistreatment. 

“Jared, you don’t--” 

“Don’t try to justify this, Doc! How could you--?!” 

“It was her decision to make, Jared. Melanie will wake up in a few hours, I estimate.” 

“I don’t care about her, she’ll be fine! But Wanda--” I was near a nervous breakdown. Wanda’d told us that Souls couldn’t last long outside of a host, besides from their origin planet. Maybe I was too late after all. I could have accepted Wanda leaving us in order to complete her existence in a far away planet, reasonably happy, but I wasn’t going to accept her dying now, in Doc’s hands, her on Earth, in the caves that were her home, as if the last months had never happened, when she meant so much to all of us. 

I couldn’t think straight. I took what I had within my reach, which happened to be a knife. In any other situation I would have taken a moment to ponder and deliberate things, trying to see Wanda’s point of thinking, but perhaps the one person--Soul--involved didn’t have that precious moment of serenity, so I wasn’t willing to risk it. 

“Jared!” yelped Doc, finding himself between the wall and my knife, pointed at his throat. 

“You do what you have to, but save Wanda, you understand me?” I ordered clearly, calm and with cold voice. “Do it or I swear I’ll use any means necessary to make you save her.”

“Calm down, for the love of God!” 

“You have two options, as I see it: facing me right now or facing Wanda when we solve this situation. I wouldn’t fear too much about her, but you do know what humans are capable of, right?” 

“Of course,” he stumbled at once, starting to understand his position. “But Jared, please, she--”

“We can solve this situation later, all of us, calmly, but for now let’s get her safe, OK?” 

Doc didn’t even think for a moment. I was sure he was forced, somehow, into taking Wanda out of Melanie, and that he hadn’t wanted to do it to begin with. As he ran to grab a cryotank and placed Wanda within it, I could almost see him smile, jubilant that someone had made that decision for him. After all, Wanda couldn’t blame him, but anyway she’d had someone else to blame. I’d gladly accept her innocent fury, if that meant she’d still be a part of our little family. 

I watched Doc, glancing sideways at Mel’s body, as he put Wanda into safety and then took a few deep breaths, the extraction and the following insertion within minutes being too much for the poor man. I was going to summon a tribunal--maybe in a few hours, when everyone’d get some sleep and I could have cooled down a bit--and Jeb, Ian, Doc and I we were going to really solve this problem, even if it was without Wanda’s consent. We all knew her plans and now, I was sure everyone would be against it, so it couldn’t be that hard to reach a consent this time. We would find--had to--a solution. I wasn’t looking for the happy ever after, it was hardly a possible ending given the world we lived on, but there had to be another way out. Letting Wanda die was, plainly, out of the table.

The answer was as clear as a few hours ago: we were getting a new body for Wanda. There was no discussing it now, not only because the only one objecting to that solution wasn’t able to argument her point any further, but because no-one’d listen to her this time. No-one would willingly let her die, not even Kyle, who was watching Doc with a pathetic stupid face, without understanding what in the world has just happened in here. 

I stayed back, allowing him to take his space and time to work, almost pleased with myself, though I still could have beaten myself with my slow, idiotic, selfless thoughts. At least now I was doing the right thing. Probably one of the only right things I’d done in the caves since Wanda’s arrival that would make Melanie a little bit proud of me. I was perfectly aware that Wanda was going to rant for hours or days, and she could do that if she wanted to, or hold a grudge against me for the rest of infinity, but she was going to do it here, on Earth, with the rest of her family. No backing away anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


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